As the use of child leashes increases, so does the controversy over using them. Some parents argue that leashes are a necessary safety measure and others argue that a leash on a child is an inappropriate way to teach self-awareness and control. Blog sites and discussion boards all over the internet are filled with articles arguing for and against child leashes, and rants questioning and justifying parents’ choices to use or not use a leash on their children. Below are some arguments for and against child leashes that have been compiled from different blog sites and discussion boards (some content has been omitted for inappropriate language). Before reading the following comments, think about your feelings toward child leashes.

The Parenting Weblog features a discussion started by a mom who wanted to try a leash on her son for their vacation. Here are some of the responses that were posted to her discussion:

http://www.parenting-weblog.com/50226711/child_leash.php

Pro-Leash

Response from: Sarah    (05/10/08 1:51pm)

Now that I have an active and independent child I am totally for child restraints (leashes). I want my son to be able to walk around and explore things and not all situations are safe enough to let him do so without a tether. Not all children are the same. Some, like my friend’s child, will stay within 10 feet of her at all times and does not run off. Mine, on the other hand, takes off and does not look back. My friend’s child could be put on the floor next to a stack of CDs and not touch them. Mine started trying to climb the bookshelves as soon as he could pull himself up and gets into and explores everything he can get his hands on. I’m not a dictator who is going to insist that my child cling to my side at all times and I am not one of those parents who has their child spend most of their time in the stroller. Children need to explore as well as be physically active, but they also need to be kept safe in potentially unsafe areas.
At least I’m not one of those dictators who really do treat their kids like dogs: sit, stay, eat, drink, show off your newest trick… I am raising an independent and inquisitive human being, not a dog.

Response from: Melissa    (06/19/08 6:00am)

I happened upon this forum as I was researching harnesses for children. My husband and I have considered purchasing one for our not-yet-two-year-old son. We have been in situations where a harness of some type would have been very practical, such as an airport before a 5 hour flight. This is an instance where a stroller just doesn’t cut it because a toddler needs to get all that energy out. I am appalled at the individuals on this forum who will make sweeping statements about parents who they say are lazy, etc. I have a background in elementary education and therefore have some knowledge about child development. A very young toddler cannot grasp the concept of what could happen if they were to wander away from their parent(s). You could explain and punish, but you would be wasting your time, and I believe being more cruel since you would be punishing a child for something they can’t comprehend is wrong. Is it a coincidence that the individuals with the most venom also seemed to have the most grammatical errors in their posts? Education is a wonderful thing people. My husband and I tried for 15 years to have our son and I will do anything to protect him, regardless of the uninformed opinions of strangers.

Response from: 1st time mom    (08/18/08 11:19pm)

This is too funny. Everyone has their opinion as well as parenting styles. My husband and I are taking my one yr old on a cruise. We are definitely purchasing this restraint. My daughter thinks that it is funny to run from us. All the while not paying attention to where she is running to just how far is mommy or daddy from catching me. I am not the type of parent that believes in spanking (especially in public) nor do I wish to have my daughter get hurt. So I ask myself, proactive or reactive? When it comes to my lil princess, hands down I am going to be proactive in attempts to avoid having to be reactive and not do something in time to save her. None of us are “Perfect” parents and we all live and learn. But I do not want to have my daughter hurt or kidnapped and then learn later

Response from: David    (06/09/07 2:38pm)

Those who are against child leashes confuse me. Why would you care how a loving, caring, nurturing parent interacts with their child? If a judgment is made only by observing a parent and child using a leash this is the same as judging someone for the color of their skin or their heritage. You don’t know anything about them. Leashes are extremely valuable in many situations. Security is the primary reason but there are countless others. In my case I have a bad back and cannot constantly be bending over to pick up my child as they dart from attraction to attraction. If leashes are right for you then use them. Don’t be concerned for those who probably judge many things without knowing the full situation.

Against-Leash

Response from: Alice    (06/09/07 11:18pm)

Well, since a lot of people seem to see nothing wrong with this and had positive experiences with a child leash, I thought maybe my horrified rejection to this was more of a gut reaction to something new and previously unknown than a justified response. So I tried to think about it more rationally. But no, actually I’m even more disgusted with it now. It seems to be in line with a recent tendency to substitute parental care, attention and education with artificial means like drugs (eagerly prescribed by doctors for “borderline ADS”) and a general disinclination to deal with the uglier sides of parenthood, making the kids more controllable instead. Now leashes. All to make the exhausting task of parenting easier, because – answering questions when you come home from work? Tedious! Playing with your kid? Not in the mood! The noise and possible destruction a kid wrecks when it finds means to entertain itself? Don’t you dare do this again! What you should do instead? Play something quiet! Teaching and getting your kid used to sticking close to you and focusing its attention on you in difficult situations by slowly building up the degree of difficulty before taking it, like, to an airport with 10.000+ travelers? What a bother! You wanna go on vacation now!!!
You know, I sympathize with all exhausted, angry, enervated and worried parents, really I do. But better teach them to deal with the world while you can (and learn to deal with a little bit of worry while YOU can, it’s not gonna leave you anytime soon). They won’t tolerate your leash forever, anyway.
And you know what they say of kids and dogs – too much of a bother for you? Don’t get one!

Response from: Anita    (12/31/07 11:18am)

I got one when my daughter was young, to have in case we needed it. I was always apprehensive about using it. I’ve maybe used it once with her.

My husband uses it much more, when we are together in public. The more we use it, the less I like it. I don’t judge other people for using it, but when I see my husband leading our now three year old with it, it does remind me of someone with a puppy. I also think it can give a false sense of security…parents should not be so distracted that they are not watching their kid…with or without a safety harness. Also, if a child tugs, the leash can come undone or the parent can accidentally let go and the child could get hurt. Also, the child can still get into displays and such at stores, knocking them down etc. The only way I can justify my husband for using the harness is because our child bolted from him in a home improvement store, and he “casually” walked after her, calling her name. Mean time, she could have ran by where a fork lift was driving, hand trucks with heavy pallets, being pulled, etc. My husband is diabetic and sometimes does not have the energy to keep up with a child who bolts in a flash. I, on the other hand, don’t use it if I am the one to keep up with her. I make her hold my hand, sit in a shopping cart, etc. And if she does bolt from me, she never gets two steps away because I react immediately. I would consider using it at a crowded fair, as a back up. I would still hold her hand and have the harness in case she lets go or something.

Response from: Jimmy    (04/12/08 7:53pm)

I have two kids (2yrs and 5 yrs) and no leash. We have traveled extensively (my 5 year old is getting her second passport). We travel for 2 to 4 months a year.
A lot of my assumption is the people that use child leashes are the same useless parents that stick their kids in front of the TV, give them gameboys, cell phones, fast food, and little or no discipline. Kids have to be taught and nurtured; it is a lot of work. Parents have a responsibility to be healthy and strong for their children and attentive to their children. The leash seems way to much like your lazy and to pre-occupied with doing ‘your’ thing and not being an attentive parent. Being a parent is a full time job, it’s not part time. Turn off your television, take the money you spent on cable and buy art, music and other learning toys and excursions. When traveling bring kids books, travel toys and crayons, don’t bring your reading material headphones and pocket full of cash for drinks. Don’t expect to linger in stores window shopping, get your stuff and get out as fast as you can. Kids get restless real quick, you have kids not dogs… and keep in mind leashes are used on dogs when walking them no it is not the same .. not the same at all. You have a kid, your a parent now your not ‘free’ your kid has a very real bond with you, respect it love and do what you have to do. I cannot imagine the stupidity it requires to take your eyes off your kid for a minute in un-safe public place. If you lost your kid in public, your a bad parent. The comments I get about my kids: smart, focused, independent, engaging, and most important very happy.

FamilyCorner.com features another discussion about child leashes. A parent at a mall observed a mother whose child was on a leash. The parent observed the toddler picking things up from the floor and putting them in her mouth, while the mom was busy socializing and not paying attention to the child. So the parent asked if people take advantage of the false security that devices like child leashes give. Here are some responses:

http://www.familycorner.com/parenting/growingpains/leash.shtml

Sam wrote:
I bought a ‘leash’ which went from my wrist to my son’s wrist when he was small, in part, because of a story a friend shared from a parenting class he’d attended. The speaker began his speech; interrupted himself to tell everyone to put their hands in the air. After everyone complied, he continued his speech. Just about the time everyone started to put their hands back down because their arms were getting tired, he stopped, and said: you can put your arms down now…..I just wanted everyone to realize how a small child feels when walking through the mall with Mom and dad and holding onto their hands! I used the leash only because my son was prone to dash off at the slightest distraction and he fought holding hands with a fury. It never made me any less watchful but it made both of us much more comfortable and happy. We used BECAUSE we love and wanted to make sure he was as safe as possible. If anything, he liked it more than I did because he felt it gave him a chance to explore without ‘losing’ me! It gave both of us a sense of security. Once when someone remarked on how awful it was that I was using such a ‘horrible device’ on my child and didn’t I know that children weren’t pets, my son [then about 3] piped up: ‘I like it! My mommy won’t get lost when we wear it!’ I wish you could have seen the look on that lady’s face.

Catwoman wrote:
I think the leash is not the issue here-it’s the method in which the parent uses the leash. Before I became a parent, I thought it was just awful to see a child on a leash or in a harness. I am still not entirely fond of leashes now that I am a parent, but I have bought and used one in the past. Our son would not stay in a stroller once he learned to run, so we took a leash with us when we went to a carnival or to a place where we knew there would be tons of people and a lot of room for him to run away without us easily catching him. I think I used it a total of 5 or 6 times before he figured out that he wasn’t allowed to run away from Mom and Daddy and we have not used it since. I do not like the idea of using a harness on a child, but I don’t condemn other parents’ decision to use one. Like I said- it’s the means in which the leash or harness is used that seems to be the issue, not the fact that the parent is using those things.

Jennifer wrote:
I have never like the leashes, and have yet to use one. That being said, there were many time that I could have used one…in particular, at the mall. For instance, when my son was about 2 1/2 or 3…I was pregnant with my second child…we were walking in JCPenney near the exit to the mall. We were walking through some racks of clothes, and my son walked around one rack…with me right behind him…then he was gone! My husband and I freaked out! We frantically looked around for several minutes, afraid he had gone out into the mall while we were searching for him. I turned around to backtrack and he was behind me…I guess he turned the second corner around the rack, or went into the middle of the rack, before I could make the corner. We were right there, and I watched him turn that corner. It is true that they can disappear just like *that*. Now that I have 2 boys, I feel at times that I could use one, but for now, I just use an umbrella stroller when I’m in a public place until my youngest one (who is now 2) cannot fit in it anymore. After that, I’ll either not go anywhere other than the grocery store where he can get into the basket, or wait until my husband is with me. I know how it feels to “loose” a child, while you are watching them. If the leash gives that extra bit of protection for kids that are so full of energy, then I say, do what you need to do to keep them safe. I will admit that there was a time before my oldest boy could walk that I swore I would never use them. I haven’t, but never say never. If a leash can save a child from being lost, taken or hurt…then they are fine…whatever it takes to keep them safe.

Liane wrote:
I don’t think the leash had anything to do with the woman paying less attention to her child. I am a very attentive and cautious Mom however, my first child, not matter what I did, would run under the clothes racks while I was paying for the items I purchased. She just loved practical jokes. I solved the problem by getting a “leash”, the kind that attaches to her wrist and mine. I did not allow it to be an excuse for me to pay less attention but, it did restrain my daughter from taking off while I was paying the bill. I have two other children and do not have the same problem with them. Some children are very quick and can easily get into danger. If someone has a child like that the “leash” can save the child’s life. In response to the comment that the leash is treating you child like a dog…Why do you put a dog on a leash? To keep it safe while out of it’s everyday boundaries. If more people cared as much about their kids there would probably be fewer injuries. Like the moms who will drag their children but the arm increasing the risk of dislocating the joints? Not to mention the millions of Wakos out there that could snatch your kid in a second while you are standing there with other children wondering how you are going to save that child and keep the others safe.

Now that you have read all the comments above, how do you feel about child leashes? Have your feelings changed? Do you feel more strongly about your opinion? Is it as simple as being for or against child leashes? Please feel free to share your thoughts…I look forward to reading your insight!

~Farah Hirji~

Community Liaison

Living Montessori Education Community

“What does Montessori mean to you?”

A teacher recently asked me this question during a Montessori teacher training at Planet Kids. I never realized how thought-provoking a simple question could be. What does it mean? What does Montessori mean to those who grew up in a Montessori environment? What does it mean to the thousands of families across the country who spend their valuable time and resources ensuring their children attend Montessori schools and education centers? What does Montessori mean to those who didn’t grow up in a Montessori environment?

What does Montessori mean to YOU? How has it impacted your life or your family’s life? I would love to hear your thoughts…

~Farah Hirji~

Community Liaison

Planet Kids Montessori

farah@planetkidsnw.com

www.planetkidsnw.com